The Sounds of Fucking

are all I hear right now at 11:48 p.m. on Friday night.

My upstairs neighbor is getting laid. This will make the third time in Portland that I have lived in a place with walls thin enough to hear people cough. Of course I am going to hear them fuck!

The fact that we are all staying home more due to the Corona virus doesn’t help with the privacy factor. I work from home and I am self isolating at home. Leaving only for food, weed, and the self service station at the post office.

This means I see the patterns of my neighbors lives in a way that would have not been apparent to me pre-Corona virus times.

I don’t mean to be a hater. I’m not jealous even though I can say I wouldn’t mind if it was me getting laid. I will even admit that I watch porn so clearly I don’t mind sex noises ( I like them when I chose to hear them ) ( or make them ). I just don’t want to be in the position where I can’t escape other people’s sex noises.

The first time I couldn’t escape was when I first moved to Portland, Oregon. I moved into a basement apartment. A family had turned the basement of their home into a 3 bedroom rental situation. Only one of the bedrooms had a bathroom in it. Each bedroom had its own locked door. I shared the other bathroom with the third roommate. Otherwise we shared the kitchen and the living room.

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The roommate with the bathroom in his room turned out to be into the BDSM lifestyle. He was a Dom. He had many Submissives. At one point, I think I saw a different girl every day for 5 days in a row. He didn’t discriminate. The women came in all shapes and sizes. Gotta give him credit for that. It was just all the sex noises. How would you like to be constantly woken up in the middle of the night to loud fucking sounds?! I would yell through my wall sometimes – ” for the love of god, please just turn on some music”

I rather be woken up to music than the sounds of his fuck session. One time the other roommate and I sat outside his door at 5:00 a.m. and made loud fake sex noises of our own. That’s was fun! We laughed so hard for months. Another time, I was walking in the door from a long hard day of work, just to be met with the sounds of the Dom at it again. I yelled again for music.

I realize sex is a part of life. It is natural. It is fun. Where does the line get drawn when the walls are thin and it affects the people you live with?

Eventually I moved. Fast forward 7 years later…. I move into a studio apartment- by myself. I am excited to live alone again after not being able to do so for four years. I moved into a building with 8 apartments. I met one of the neighbors right away, a nice younger couple that have been in the building for eight years. I had not had the opportunity to meet the person who lived above me before I “heard” him. One weekend was especially bad. I couldn’t sleep because all I could hear was his music. It wasn’t obnoxious however I could sing along with the words of the song playing. If I am unable to sleep because the music is too loud, we have a problem. Second to bodily pain, nothing makes me grouchier than lack of sleep. It was about 11:30 p.m. when I started banging on the ceiling with a broom. No change made. Around 2:00 a.m. I plugged my Goal Zero external speaker into my cell phone, turned it up as loud as it would go with electronic music and placed it on the highest surface I had facing the ceiling. No change made. Normally I would have a conversation but here it was in the middle of the night, I was naked, I had been banging on the ceiling and playing loud music with no results. I was mad. I couldn’t even entertain the visual of a conversation. When the sex noises came at 5:30 a.m. I found a YouTube clip to play to let them know I could hear them – I rather hear this than the neighbor

Do you think they got the point? I can hear everything. I want you to know that I can hear everything. I really need to replace my earplugs.

I didn’t have to deal with it more than a couple months because he moved. I live in a great location therefore it didn’t take long for a new person to move in. This time I made sure to introduce myself right away. There was a gentlemen helping her move which she said was just a friend. I wanted her to know the walls are thin and if there was ever a time my music was too loud, she could give a friendly bang or text me and I would turn it down. I was wishfully thinking it would translate into her being aware ALL sounds can be heard through the walls.

Everything was going along nicely….

Until the sex noises started. FML. I wasn’t going to play the sex noises in retaliation. I didn’t want to change the dynamic of our friendly relationship. I dealt with it. It started to become more frequent and I found myself in the same situation. I rather hear music than the sounds of other people fucking. This Michael Jackson song is a great distraction – It is six minutes long, which is plenty of time for my neighbors to wrap it up. I really like it which means I get into it and can forget for a few minutes that I am bothered.

After listening to it a handful of times, I think I need to switch up the song. There could be the potential for miscommunication. Wanna be Startin Something? LOL

Do you have a suggestion for me? I need a couple go to songs. In the moment when I am scrambling, my mind can go blank and then I reach for MJ. I have mixed feeling about MJ after watching the Neverland Documentaries.

Do you think it’s rude of me to turn up music to drown out the sex noises coming from my upstairs neighbor? Is it reasonable to say that since I am the only person I can control, that I am making the necessary adjustment for my comfort?

I am not entirely sure which side of the coin I land on. I do know that I just want to get to sleep peacefully. In a nice, dark, quiet, and cold room. Where you will find me naked. Puhlease don’t mess that up for me unless you want to be drowned out with song.

Goodnight everyone.

Go to Crater Lake if you can

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It only took me eight years and A LOT of effort to get there however it was totally worth it. Therefore, I highly recommend it to you.

It is a very popular spot. Camping spots are taken up months in advance. There are two campgrounds they provide information for on their website. They are very good about keeping the website updated with open spots for reservations.

  • Mazama Campground is the closest to the Lake. This site reserves 10% of the spots for walk-ins. Walk-ins are on a first come first serve basis. Whether you have a reservation or are just walking up, Check-in time starts at 12:00 p.m.
  • Lost Creek Campground is the second closest, doesn’t take reservations, and is a tent only site.

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I lucked out and a spot opened up at Mazama’s two days before my trip. I kept checking back every 30 minutes or so to see the status of open sites.

When we arrived around 11:15 a.m. there were people already making a line for the walk-in spots.

I recommend bringing your own firewood. They sell firewood at the store near the entrance to the campground. It cost $10 a bundle. Since there was a burn ban in effect, I felt so lucky each camping site had a fire ring which allowed us to build a fire. My favorite part about camping!!!

Technically Crater Lake is a caldera not a crater. You can drive 33 miles around the entire thing on the Scenic Rim Drive (since you are there- why not?!) It doesn’t take that long to do…

Elevation of Crater Lake ranges from 7000 to 8000 feet. Portland’s elevation is only 50 feet above sea level. Be mentally prepared for this. I underestimated the effects of this on my body. I figured since I grew up in Colorado that it wasn’t going to be a big deal. I forgot that it has been 20 years since I have been to Colorado and it became apparent real fast. There is less oxygen the higher in elevation you go. My heart was beating so hard after a few steps hiking around.

I would only get to spend 1 day and 1 night at Crater Lake so I wanted to make the most of it. I signed up to take their 2 hour boat tour. It cost $44.

There’s only one place to access the water. It’s the same place you will have to go if you decide to take the boat tour.

We arrived to the check-in spot for the boat tour, only to learn it had been cancelled 💩

They only have 3 boats. One of them had just broken down. They are required to keep one of those boats designated as the rescue boat aka: “the just in case” boat. If for any reason something happens to the boat people are on, they need the just in case boat to rescue everyone.

I wanted to touch the water so I convinced my friend to hike down to dip our feet in it. It is not a recreational lake so activities are limited. You can fish. There is a small area to jump in. No flotation devices, no swimming and no private boats.

The hike is moderately difficult because of the (overall) elevation change. The hike itself only changes by 780 feet. If you already live in a place that is is more than 6,000 feet above sea level, you will be fine. For the rest of us, I again want to mention how it took my by surprise. It took hours to get back up the hike. (Still worth it). I just want you to be prepared ❤

If you have the chance to visit this place- you must go!!!!!

3 thousand dollars & Karma

I can’t remember the name of the dating app or site I was on when I made a connection with a gentlemen.

20190727_115935.jpgWe decided to met at bar called Casino El Camino for drinks and food. This bar is located on the east end of the infamous 6th street in Austin TX. We got cocktails and ordered food while sitting on the back patio. I remember that neither of us wanted to smoke many cigarettes in front of the other person because we were trying to impress each other (smoking is unattractive). Eventually we just had to be ourselves.

I liked him right away. I just wasn’t interested in dating him. I don’t meet many people I want to date so the chances were slim from the beginning anyway.  I will still make effort to engage with the opposite sex since it feels like a numbers game. Eventually I will meet someone to share my life with.

For as long as I can remember, I have been struggling to earn enough money to get ahead of my poor economic situation. Dare I dream to be able to put money into savings.  I always manage to earn enough to survive! I have been working since I was 14 years old- 114 jobs and counting.

The stress of my economic situation revels itself when major changes happen in my life and I’m not able to take care of them how I like.

In 2005, my biological mother took my nieces, secretly moved to another state, changed their phone number and removed me from their lives. I was heartbroken. I cried every day for about a year. I got my first tattoo on the day that marked 1 year since I had seen their faces. Grand stand ideas started to ruminate in my mind as to how to get those little girls back into my life . If only there was a way to do it without having to deal with my biological mother.  The girls were 5 and 3 years old at the time.

I thought of showing up at their house to surprise them. I have their home address.. This surprise plan would require plane tickets, renting a car, gas money, a place to stay, bribing my boyfriend to support me in this drama, and feeding ourselves along the way. I did some preliminary research on how much it would cost to take the time away from work, pay for all those required things as well as doing something fun since I was going to a new city.  It was looking like it was going to cost around $3,000. Shit. How was I going to do that? I only made enough money to cover monthly expenses working  while putting myself through college.

My new friend is a really good poker player.  Plays online all the time. He had a day job working ( I don’t remember where). He had been there for awhile and wasn’t happy anymore.  He liked it the first few years, felt appreciated, received work bonuses but those days seemed to be long gone.

One day when I was at work, we were talking on the phone and I was telling him my grand plan.  I blurted out that I needed $3,000 to accomplish it and I had no idea how to do it.  My heart hurt so intensely it was clouding other aspects of my life.

He mentioned he was playing in an online poker tournament that night and 1st prize was $3,000 and if he won, he would give it to me. Now I know what you are thinking. I know what I was thinking. He can’t be serious. I mean this is too generous of a gift. What would prompt him to do such a thing?  I knew he had feelings for me, (little ones anyways) because we hadn’t known each other that long.  I didn’t want to say no.

After work, I went home to do homework, study and make dinner. He kept calling me to give me a play by play. It was more than I could keep up with.  I told him good luck, I couldn’t talk on the phone all night because of homework and we would see what happened in the morning…

I woke up to a text message with an attached screenshot of the computer screen. HE WON!!!!!

This just became real. We needed to have a serious talk about it.  There would be no way I could accept this gift if he was going to hold it over my head. I couldn’t accept the extremely generous gift if it would come with invisible strings. Our friendship would not survive it. I know plenty of people who use their money for power, control, and to manipulate others. I know myself

He said he wouldn’t and I desperately wanted to believe him. It would take some time for him to get his payout.

20190727_115923_HDR.jpgWe dressed up and went to a Halloween party that year.  Halloween is my favorite holiday. We were sitting around the fire and at some point in the night, he made a hurtful/ manipulative/ power comment about giving me the money. It was the moment I was afraid of. I immediately knew I could not accept his generous gift. I told him so and he instantly felt bad and realized his error. He promised he wouldn’t do that and here he was making a comment before I even took the money.

How was I going to deal with this epic disappointment?! I was super depressed. I was discouraged. I was disheartened by the predictability of people and money. I was sad that I wasn’t going to be able to fly up to Oregon and try to get my nieces back. It took several weeks, several apologies and a couple conversations about his recommitment to being comment free before I would accept his gift.

Eventually I agreed and when he received the money, we made plans to meet.  He would be at La Zona Rosa with a date when I would roll by in my car.  He handed me a small package filled with my dreams. To this day he has never made another comment about it. Thank you with ALL of my being for this mister.

Covert Operation = get nieces back ” was ready to be put in place.

I couldn’t be more grateful. I am truly inspired by his generosity. I’m not sure I could have done the same.  I mean, I am a generous person. I’m always giving things away or feeding people.  I would take the time to help others when and where I can.  Three thousand dollars is a lot of money though.

20181116_233618.jpgThey say you get what you give. This couldn’t be more true in this story.

A few weeks after he gave me all that money, his boss called him into his office to let him know that a couple customers had called in raving about him.  He had received a few positive reviews.  He was a loyal, hard working, nice employee.

He got a bonus that year.

Guess how much…..

You know it.

$3,000.00

Love you friend. You deserve all good things! Happy we still talk and that I got to see you last year after not seeing you for eight years ❤

Update- as of the posting of this blog, he hasn’t returned my phone calls nor called me. This makes my heart very sad and I don’t understand.

Stop thinking with your penis and be my friend.

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Why? Why? Why? is it so challenging……

It’s the age old dilemma.

Can straight cis men and straight cis women just be friends?

I say yes, yes they can.

As soon as men think past their dicks.

I have met some men recently that I like. I like who they are. They are Reliable, Generous, Hard Working, Thoughtful men.

I am not attracted to them sexually. I just enjoy their company and it shines through my eyes.

Men tend to mistake nice for interested. Letting them know you aren’t interested means you run the risk of loosing potential friendship.

Once they realize that I’m not interested, I think they feel rejected and have a hard time continuing to hang out.

Age doesn’t seem to matter for this dynamic. I am going to be 45 this year and I have been experiencing this situation since I was 12.

I’m tired of it. When will it end?

I just want to be able to be myself. The nice, supportive, funny, charming, good listening, positive, adventurous side of myself. I want to be able to let someone of the opposite sex see the entire me and enjoy the parts they like without giving me a sexual vibe or entertaining sexual thoughts. Is it really that hard to think with the head on your shoulders and only that head?

It must be considering how often men cheat, try non monogamous relationships and talk about spreading their seed. Variety is the spice of life. I am willing to seriously attempt to understand the science behind the bio physical responses that your dick has. Can I say dick this many times?! I guess so, it is my blog (ha😜)

I have also heard the only way men and women end up as friends is because one of them isn’t returning the others attraction. That one person ends up settling for the friendship. Sometimes the flame is still there and they are waiting it out, sometimes the flame dies and friendship can remain.

I have a dear male friend that I have known since college. I have dated his friends and he has dated mine. We have a great time together. He has added so much value to my solitary life that I can’t say enough good things about him. Of all the things I have learned from him, the feeling of being included and how to be hospitable stand out the most.

One time we were out drinking in Austin TX and I decided to share with him the theory I heard about how men and women become “just friends”.

After I explained, we both said, so you were the one who was into me?

Then we laughed and laughed and went back to salsa dancing.

This is how I know it’s possible. Not one time did I ever think about wanting to be with him. I have nothing but nice things to say about him too. He is married now with a son, caring for his aging parents, working to get his company off the ground and just all around being a good human.

I hope we stay in touch and remain good friends until one of us is no longer on this earth.

I also hope that I will be able to make more male friends. I like men. I like gay men, trans men, cis men, Drag Kings, straight men- ALL the men.

I could also use more friends. Julie party of one is fun. Life is more fun with friends!