“Nice” is in the eye of the beholder.

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I don’t mean to be rude. I just don’t need help putting my bike in the bike spot on the Max. I have been a bike only girl for over 5 years now, public transportation is my friend since it allows me to get farther faster. I’m so lucky that Portland’s system is reliable, affordable and efficient.

Listen up world 🙂 Just because you see me miss the bike bar the first time I go to put my bike up doesn’t mean I am struggling nor does it mean I need help. Maybe there are people in the way and I have some extra maneuvering to do. Maybe I am in a hurry and didn’t guess the height of the bar accurately.

There isn’t a lot of time to work with after you step onto the Max to get yourself settled in before the door closes and the announcement comes on ” The door are closing, the train is moving, please hold on” . The doors close quick and off you go. I have seen many people loose their balance if they weren’t holding on. If you have more than just yourself to take care of, you better move as quick as you can. It’s common to find people standing in the bike spot. Some of them require you to ask them to move. Even when they can see you have a bike.

I have found that it is hard to sound nice when you are in a rush or you have to speak loudly.

To the nice guy that tried to help me with my bike – it may have sounded harsher than I intended when letting you know I didn’t need help.

To be honest, you are just making it harder for me.

There isn’t much time to get on, make sure the spot is clear of people, take my bike bag off, get my bike on the holding rod and hold on before the light rail starts moving.

There is no time to explain all of this when in the moment.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to help ladies with things. It just means that you should asses better who needs help and when your help is really needed.

You know that phrase ” Treat others as you wish to be treated ” I wish we could change it to “Treat others as they wish to be treated”

I have the perfect example: One day I went out with 2 other ladies to the neighborhood bar. Let’s call them Franny and Annie. Franny doesn’t like to be left alone while Annie and myself don’t mind. There came a time when Franny announced she was going to go outside to smoke at the very same time Annie announced she was going to use the restroom. This will leave me sitting at the table all by myself ( which is fine by me ) however Franny noticed that was going to happen and she sat back down. Isn’t she sweet. I see her heart. I see her nice intentions. She was treating me how she would want to be treated. She really is a sweet thoughtful girl however it was unnecessary. The best scenario would have been where everybody did what they wanted. Annie could use the restroom and Franny could have gone to smoke. I am fine at the table because I am comfortable being alone. She could have treated me how I want to be treated.

I also wish we could get rid of the saying Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

We all belong to the Human Race!

People don’t like to be stolen from, cheated on, lied to, being talked negatively to , have violence perpetrated against them. People don’t like to feel trapped, lonely, sad, etc.

Men this blah blah blah

Women that blah blah blah

I am a women and I don’t mind taking out the trash and I hate doing the dishes.

Putting people into boxes has to stop.

Helping people who need help should continue. Thanks for the try random guy. Better luck next time ❤

When your biological mother is terrible and the day on the calendar is Mother’s Day.

My biological mother is a see you next Tuesday

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Since Mother’s Day is the day to celebrate moms, I like to turn my focus towards Mother Earth. Mother Gaia.

Mother Gaia is always around and she treats everyone equally. She is a loving energy that supports and nourishes life. (She is worthy of Our Praise everyday!)

So if you don’t know who your mom is or if you don’t like the one you have, please know that there are many many many people in the world that can relate.

The parent-child relationship is one of the most tumultuous relationships that exists.

I’ve been lucky enough to have been mothered by other people’s Mother’s/ women along the way. It is because of them I know what it’s like to be supported, treated with respect and to feel loved. As I grow older, I understand better the important role they played in my life. They are the gift I take with me daily. I also bear the daily burden of my DNA.

I’m going to be 45 this year. Most of my friends are mothers now. It’s great to see them being fantastic moms. Some of them are great moms because they learned from their own Mom. Some are great moms because their awful past showed them what not to do and they have somehow managed to rise above it. Some are great moms because they’ve done a lot of reading, asked questions, took classes and did research. Every human on this earth came from a women. Strong moms are needed in the world.

No matter the route you took to become a good mom, I personally would like to say thank you for taking the time and doing the hard work. Clearly not everyone is successful at being a good mom. There are too many kids in the world that need nurturing support, the kind only a good Mother’s Love can give.

Over the years, I have been lucky enough to have been mothered by several women in the world. Shout out to Mrs. A, Mrs. Williams, Sarah, Mrs. Doland and Mrs. Thomas!!!!! I have infinite gratitude to them for allowing me experience what having a good mom feels like.

I volunteer at the Children’s Hospital in the NICU on Sundays. Those babies have a rough start to life and for a multitude of reasons not every mother can be around. I can’t wait to give them an extra squeeze today.

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If you are one of the people in the world today that isn’t enjoying it… I would like to remind you (remember to focus on Mother Earth ) AND start being your own mom. Parent yourself the way that you wish you were treated, that’s what I have learned to do ❤💚💜💙💛 Feels good.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Dirty Jokes – 10 easy ones to remember

I find jokes to be a good way to switch gears in conversation. They come in real handy when there is an awkward moment and no one knows where to redirect ( perfect time for a joke). They are also just fun to tell. Sometimes you even get a good one in return!

I find the short and sweet ones easier to remember. I also love a dirty joke. Here are my top go to jokes when the situation requires. I hope you are able to remember them and put them to good use. At the very least, I hope you enjoy them. Disclaimer ** I did not create these jokes, someone has told them to me and I wish I could give credit where credit is due**

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Joke: What’s good on pie but not on pussy?
Punchline: Crust

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Joke: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
Punchline– you just push them aside and keep on eating

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Joke: What do you get when you finger a gypsy on the rag?
Punchline– your palm red

Joke: How does a hillbilly know when his sister is on the rag?
Punchline– because his daddy’s dick taste funny

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Joke: Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party?
Punchline– to find a tight seal

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Joke: What do Brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common?
Punchline Chances are if it was forced on you when you were younger, you’re not gonna like it later.

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Joke: Hold up your first two fingers in the air like the photo and say – Why should girls use THESE two fingers to masturbate
Punchline– (say with a sly fox tone ) because they are mine

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Joke: What’s the best part about having sex with twenty five year olds?
Punchline– There are twenty of them.

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Joke: Why can’t barbie get pregnant ?
Punchline– because ken cums in a different box

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Joke- What’s the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple?
Punchline- Pimples don’t come on a boy’s face until they’re 13

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I’ve never been skinny dipping and before I die, I would like to.

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There are a few things I would like to do before I die and going skinny dipping with other people is one of them.  It doesn’t have to be a lot of people and it doesn’t even have to be in an epic place (although that would be preferred).

You know – somewhere magical, like the Dead Sea or the Maldives/ If it’s not going to be epic than at least let it be warm!

I came close once to accomplishing this goal when I was twenty one.  I was in Enid Oklahoma. 300px-USA_Oklahoma_location_map.svg I traveled there with one of my Air Force buddies who had graduated from the Academy and was assigned to go to pilot training at Vance AFB. I thought it would be fun to road trip with him, stay for the weekend to hang out, see some mutual friends, and then fly back home to Colorado Springs. I might have changed my mind had I known the heater in his car was broken, stuck on hot, and would be for the entire drive up there.  The only way to survive was to not wear many clothes and have those windows rolled down.  When I look back now, it is a fond memory. It makes me laugh and fills my heart with love. At the time though, it wasn’t so much fun. Quite painful actually.

I knew it was going to be an interesting weekend.  How could it not be since I  would have to see my ex boyfriend. The one that broke up with me after 2 years of dating since he wanted to be a pilot and moved to another state to go to pilot school. He also graduated from the Academy and was at Vance AFB.  He is the reason I know all these Air Force men.  I was not looking forward to seeing him however I was looking forward to seeing  an old roommate of mine. She was in town visiting her Air Force boyfriend.  They decided to do the long distance thing, which is rare.  When men get ready to graduate from the Academy, they are given a lecture which includes some advice about their significant others.  They are told they their lives are about to change in a big way.  Their new lives will be filled with a lot of moving and the only way to have their girlfriends come along is to marry them.  They tell them to either marry or break up.  UnknownThe grass isn’t always greener. Even though my old roommate’s boyfriend decided to try long distance thing, he then preceded to cheat on her while he was away.  I happened to find out this information and I am a girls girl so I told her.  She was able to find some evidence on her own that confirmed what she heard. This information is devastating! Which she was for a little while and then married him anyway. I think it is because she said she would only have sex when married and she gave him her virginity. P.S I went to that wedding, it wasn’t fun for me ( a whole other story ) and now that I am thinking about all this….. I wonder if they are still currently married??

Back to the almost skinny dipping:

I went out that first night we arrived and got terribly drunk. Running into the ex boyfriend didn’t help the drinking cause. I am not a big drinker nor do I handle alcohol well. I am a much better stoner and there was no pot to be found around all these military kids and on base. So drinking it was!!

There were lots of cute boys around and I found one of them interesting enough to hang out with for a while. At the end of the night, he invited me to go back to his place with some of his friends.  His friends also brought along girls.  There we were six of us total. Three guys and three girls. They were all strangers to me.  I don’t know how it got suggested we take a dip in the pool…

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Of course none of us girls had swimsuits with us. (The pivotal moment)  The moment that sparked the skinny dipping idea.  The moment I learned how prude I was.  The moment I learned that for a liberal minded girl, I am conservative in the sex department. The moment I realized how unfun I was going to look/ be.

I watched everyone else strip down. They seemed to be enjoying the spontaneous moment.  They weren’t insecure enough to be worried about their bodies. They just seemed to be having fun.  I wanted to have fun.  Boy was I torn. I ended up stripping down to my bra and panties.  Comments were made about how a bra and panties is a lot like a swim suit and therefore I wasn’t being very risqué. I wasn’t and that would just have to be okay.

Everyone was having so much fun that it caught the attention of the Military Police.

Swimming didn’t last long and soon we found ourselves with flashlights shinning on us and commands being shouted at us to get out of the pool.  They lined us up and wanted to see ID. I didn’t have ID with me. That didn’t settle well with the police.  You should have heard the way they asked me questions. What was I doing there? Who did I know? Why would I come out with strange boys as a young girl? What was I thinking?  Did I know how much trouble I could be in..

Thank goodness the guy I came with piped up to claim me. In hindsight , it probably cost him more punishment.

Regardless, the moment was over and it was time to take my soaking wet self back to my buddy’s house. As I crawled into bed, I mumbled a few words to explain the wet clothes and told him I would tell him more in the morning.

This has been the only time I have come close to skinny dipping.  Did I miss out?  Why is so hard to be in your body in a vulnerable way with others when they seem to be at more ease with the moment? I know that people do the best that they can in any given moment. I also know it is important to always be comfortable.

I have been working on being comfortable in my naked body for years now. Not only am I comfortable being naked now at forty four than ever, I am more comfortable doing it in front of others. I know that from this moment on, if the opportunity presents itself , that I will be able to meet the moment. I also know that if the opportunity doesn’t present itself that I will need to create it, especially before I die ❤

 

 

 

 

Camping Chairs, Friends and Friends of Friends- proactive advice needed!

This situation happens to me all too often and I am starting to wonder how other people handle it.  I am looking for proactive approaches vs avoiding it/ not saying anything about it.  Your suggestions are welcomed ❤

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The situation: You have set up your camping chair where you plan to sit and whenever you go to sit in it , someone else is already there. Maybe you know them, maybe you don’t 🙂

I find the psychology of it all fascinating.  Clearly not every person brought a chair for themselves ( which is fine ) but how is it that those people aren’t the ones sitting on the ground?  More often than not they are sitting in someone else’s chair….

If confrontation wasn’t challenging enough there is an extra layer of difficulty in realizing that the group of people you are surrounded by are your friends or they are friends of your friends. Either way, it is a friendly gathering. 

Yet somehow the fact that I care about being able to use the chair I  brought for myself makes me not as “cool”, not as “friendly” and potentially “mean” to some people. Someone did not bring a chair for themselves.  There aren’t enough extras and it just never fails that someone is always sitting in mine.

What am I supposed to say, especially if they have been there for awhile and now I need it?  What if it is dinner time and we are settling into our spots and the person in my chair has already started eating?

Article-With-Tag-Bungee-Folding-Lounge-Chair-Walmart-ThevolWhat if there are other chairs open to sit and yet I still want mine?  I care about my comfort. I bought a nice chair. I made sure to bring a chair.  I have lower back issues and sometimes my knee hurts from an old injury. Not any ole chair will do which is why I took care of my needs by bringing an awesome chair.

Why is this even a battle?  Shouldn’t the people who came without a chair realize they don’t have one and automatically take a different spot?

So here I am left with deciding how to get to use the chair I brought. { Once I made sure to bring an extra chair and it just got sat in as well.} Please don’t suggest that lol .

Will getting my chair require banishing someone to the ground? Will it require me looking mean when I politely say I would like to sit in my chair? Should I lead with fake gushing apologies to look nicer while doing it?

What would you do?  Thanks in advance for your time and sharing your thoughts on this tiny matter that ends up meaning so much more than about a chair.

Life is more fun with friends and if they don’t show up….

969205_10151468021046033_616595444_nYou go out and do things alone. Yes, all by yourself (with other people) (that you don’t know) so it’s like you are by yourself anyways.

Is it awkward at first? Yes

Does it make you interact with the world in a way that you wouldn’t if you had a friend with you? Yes

Do you get used to it? Yes

Will it eventually be something you look forward to? Yes

This alone thing is liberating!

I started small by :

  • going to the movies
  • shopping
  • Yoga, Pilates, Boot Camp, Boxing, you name the workout class
  • Then I worked my up to eating a meal in a restaurant alone instead of ordering it to go and eating at home.
  • After that came having a cocktail at a bar.
  • I have managed to go see live music by myself.

Why should I have to miss out on all the adventures I want to have because I can’t find anyone to come along?

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Recently I went white water rafting alone. It was such a fantastic Saturday that I feel inspired to plan more adventures to do by myself. Next will be the Downwind in Hood River on a SUP board.

 

Doing things alone this year is easier than it has ever been before.  Many events and meditations have brought me to my current understanding and comfort level for solo adventures.  In 2013 I had a major realization while I was in Maui, Hawaii.  I went to visit a new friend that was going there for the season to work on a boat.  The boat would give whale watching/snorkeling tours.  I would get to be on the island for 10 days. I had never been to Hawaii before and I was very excited!!

What I did not realize about this vacation was that she was in the beginning passionate throes of a relationship and I would be the third wheel. I am no stranger to being odd man out however I was not very practiced in the art of doing things alone and I was looking forward to some quality time with a girlfriend.  She had to work a lot during my time there. When she wasn’t working, she was hanging out with her boyfriend and me.  I did not like her boyfriend which added to the disappointment.  My first day there, I did get to go on the boat she was working on for a whale watching tour. I saw so many whales. Everytime someone had a sighting they would yell it out so we all could catch a glimpse.  Breach- 3 o’clock Jumping_Humpback_whale

Before the boat trip started, I should have followed my friends lead with the sunscreen. I figured I lived in Texas for fifteen years and I don’t normally burn so I didn’t need to slather it on. Hindsight revealed living in Oregon for 2 years was enough time for my skin to turn pasty white effectively making it sensitive to the Hawaii sun.  I did not apply enough sunscreen and got the worst sunburn EVER.  I was miserable for a week easy.  Being so burned made sleeping difficult. I had to take Oatmeal baths several nights in a row and by the time it went away there was only three days of vacation left. I was in paradise and I did not want to spend anymore time in the sun.

Maui is a small island and I did the typical touristy things.  Whale watching, snorkeling, Lunch in Lahaina where the Banyan Tree is,  Polipoli Spring State Recreation Area for disc golf, watching the fire dancers on Little Beach, the Road to Hana where we camped at the end to visit the Seven Sacred Pools.

My life changing realization happened the night we went camping, when we were at the end of the Road to Hana.  We decided to stay so we could explore the Seven Sacred Pools in the morning. I am an early riser, waking up between 4:30a.m. to 6:30a.m. Pacific Standard Time.  Since there was a two hour time difference between Oregon and Hawaii at the time, I was up way too early.  Wide awake at 3:30 in the morning.  My friends were on Hawaii time and liked to sleep late. I would be up a full seven hours before they would rise.  What was I going to do with myself? I layed there for a bout an hour before I got up and went to explore. I knew I couldn’t go too far on the off chance my friends woke up early.  My exploration led me to discover a beautiful waterfall.  I spent some time here taking a bunch of selfies.  At some point, a small group of people came into the area.  They asked if I was alone.  That is when it occurred to me! Even though technically I was with other people, in reality I was alone. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely.  I was just hyper aware of my aloneness.IMG_20130131_094657.jpg

Aren’t we always alone I replied? ( Lightbulb moment) I mean we are born alone, we die alone and the time in between we walk the path of our lives alone.  Here I was on this beautiful island for vacation, I had come to meet a friend and spend time with her but she was busy working and being with her boyfriend.  Technically I was with people. In reality I was alone.  I was on my own, even when they were around.

I could tell you many stories where I have found myself in a similar position.  It wasn’t always easy to be there.  Now I don’t mind.  I frequently choose it.  I also look forward to having it all my way since there isn’t anyone else to take into consideration.  Who doesn’t love that?

One of my favorite sayings is an African saying.

If You Want To Go Fast, Go Alone. If You Want To Go Far, Go Together

I would like nothing more than to go far in life so until friends show up and stick around and until friends commit to joining me, you can find me on some adventure by myself having a great time ❤

 

 

My most embarrassing moment happened at 8th grade camp.

I am a late bloomer in life.

Even though girls were having sex in 6th and 7th grade, I had not gone to second base yet and I was in 8th grade. My first kiss was in 7th grade. I know.

I got invited to go to camp during my 8th grade year. My home life wasn’t the greatest so any chance to get away was an opportunity I didn’t miss. Sign me up!

I wish I could remember the name of that place however it long escapes me. I do remember when we arrived our first scheduled activity was to divide the boys and girls into two teams for some competition. We were going to play games to see which team would get to sleep in the better of the two cabins. Even though the competition was fierce and we didn’t go down without a good fight. In the end, the girls did not win.

Our cabin contained barely the basics. It was one big room filled with metal bunk beds. The sheets looked scary to sleep on and more sheets doubled as curtains to cover the windows. The showers didn’t have doors and it was generally grimy.

After dropping our stuff off, we were required to meet back up to eat dinner together and discuss the activities for the weekend. The big event was going to be a dance. We all knew there was going to be one so I planned for it.

I wanted to make sure I would look cute. I had a boy to impress. A boy I heard had taking a liking to me and when I found out who he was, I liked him right back. So, I bought this two piece skirt outfit from Merry Go Round in the mall. It was black and gold. The top was just long enough to show 2 inches of skin between the skirt and the top. The skirt went just below the knee and fitted nicely. The top had gold circles down either side that held black ribbon that crossed between them giving it a corset feel. Now that I am a grown up, it was way too sexy for a girl in 8th grade to wear to a dance.

In the middle of dinner I snuck away to get a head start on taking shower / getting ready for the dance. I brought a friend with me to be the lookout. We almost made it through the process.

Since there were no shower curtains covering the shower stall, I moved through the process as quickly as I could. It was cold in there ( in the cabin and in the shower stall). I managed to wash and condition my hair, wash my face and body as well as shave. I was feeling good when an adult came down into the bathroom to scold us and redirect us back up to join the group. We weren’t allowed to be on our own without adult supervision.

I remember feeling a little self-conscious knowing I had to go back to where everybody was and face the group of popular boys. They can be cruel. My hair was still wet and I didn’t have a stitch of make up on.

Sure enough after a few minutes, I saw them glance at each other. There was whispering and giggling. My worst fears were coming true.

Eventually we were dismissed from dinner and given permission to retreat to our respective cabins to get ready for the dance. I couldn’t get back there fast enough to change into my outfit, finish my hair, and makeup.

I went to the dance. I was feeling cute. I danced with that boy Jay as well as a few others. I had a nice time. I don’t remember anything eventful happening at the dance. We were young and it ended early.

The next morning a group of us girls wanted to check out the boys cabin. We ran up there before it was time to get in the van and go home.

That cabin was so nice! It looked like a log cabin inside and out. It had beds that folded out from the wall. Clean looking sheets. It had several rooms. There were curtains. The showers had doors. You get the idea. Nice.

I made it into on of the “popular boys” rooms when I decided to ask him what all the snickering was a bout the day before. Was it because I looked ugly with no makeup? I couldn’t have never guessed what he was about to tell me.

A group of them ( including Jay ) had also decided to sneak away from the group during dinner to explore the grounds. They came upon the girls cabin and were peeking in the windows. It was easy to see through the space the “sheet curtains” allowed for.

When the peeped in, they saw a girl in the shower washing herself and shaving her legs. My backside was to them. I was bent over washing and shaving my legs. Boy did they get an eye full. I was mortified. He continued to say, they didn’t realize it was me until I popped up from the task and they saw my face. They were surprised it was me! I had no idea they were there! This “show” they got would continue to haunt me for the rest of the school year.

Can you imagine what that was like to have a group of the popular boys watch you shower when you haven’t even let a guy touch your boobs? Imagine the delight they took in their secret all night, at my expense.

I was reminded of the event almost every day at school from that moment forward as they took pleasure in looking me up and down with that “look” in their eyes, whenever our paths would cross.

I thought I was going to die.