is not welcomed.
I have been receiving a lot of it lately. Even though it is from friends, when it is coming my way, every cell in my body rises up in rejection of it. If I didn’t ask, then I am not open to receiving. Recently, I decided that living my best life requires kindness and radical honesty. I’m still learning how to delivery radical honesty in a way that isn’t off putting. I will continue to practice until it comes naturally since I genuinely do not wish to harm others. I just have to stay true to myself.
There are times when I will seek the advice of others. When I do- I am all ears. Getting a different perspective from someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation but cares about you has provided a pathway forward many times for me. Maybe your friends aren’t the best people to provide advice – I highly recommend finding a therapist you trust or a mentor. Someone to confide in about the things you think about and go through. Whether you have to pay them (therapist) or it’s is free (mentor) FIND SOMEONE.
Have you heard of the Iceberg metaphor?
How is it possible to see anything below the surface when you are interacting with people you just met and/or aren’t going to be with long? Especially if you are in an Opinion situation.
There are many factors to consider when hearing a persons opinion. I like to consider the source (be familiar with most of their iceberg) before I absorb their advice.
Some people don’t want to get that deep which doesn’t make them exempt from the lower part of the iceberg. They just won’t be vocal about it. Which will take longer for me to figure it out. These types of people I don’t normally seek advice from.
Strangers just aren’t equipped to give quality advice. Even your friends with their best of intentions are subject to below the iceberg influences. People can only meet you at the level they are on. They only have the information you have given them to work with. We all know we don’t share every nitty gritty detail to every story you share with friends. We analyze that stuff on our own. When we are analyzing we have to remember we are limited with the lens we look through life at. I have found that even well intentioned people have a hard time empathizing. Sympathizing is easy. Empathizing is harder. It requires you putting yourself in another person’s shoes. You have to suspend your lens that you use to look at life with and imagine someone else’s. It’s hard.
Even simple things like buying weed, going to the movies or a new place to eat is influenced by the entire ice berg.
When I go to the marijuana dispensary, I am not open to the bud tenders suggestions. I end up just saying no a bunch of times. Not only is it not a fun experience for me, it is a waste of time. I know what I like, how the strains work. I understand about terpenes, CBD, edibles, how I like my flower trimmed, etc. I am fine tuning my response to being asked – What can I get for you? when I walk in the door. I need a moment to look please and then I can let you know. This is when the predictable questions begin. I am not sure I can escape it no matter how clever of a response I come up with.
It is the same reason I don’t let Yelp reviews influence my decisions about movies and restaurants. Just because someone I don’t know doesn’t like a movie, doesn’t mean I am not going to. Just because someone I don’t know doesn’t like the food at a particular restaurant doesn’t mean I am not going to. I am going to go get an opinion for myself. Maybe I like the taco your taste buds didn’t. Maybe I like movies based on real life stories and over priced candy.
There are certain opinions I will take into consideration from strangers. You can speak about the service you received, how you were treated, and how clean a place was. If your opinion is negative then it needs to written without intense emotion or your point gets lost and it looks like you just want to complain.
I had a mole on my breast I wanted to get checked for Cancer. I didn’t have insurance and I didn’t know where to begin. I asked a nurse working in the NICU at the hospital where I volunteer every Sunday ( before COVID ). She reached to a friend of hers for a recommendation and gave me a name of a Doctor.
I Googled him. There were several poor reviews. The reviews were similar in nature which increases their chances of being accurate. The reviews explained how each of them didn’t like the way they were treated. They could hear the Doctor and his assistant speaking poorly about them. They said he had terrible bed side manners. They felt like he didn’t want to be there. You already know I didn’t go there.
Instead I continued my online research until I found a place with a 5 star rating (with 10+ reviews) It happened to be in the most expensive part of town (of course). Well worth the piece of mind! After my experience there, I made sure to leave a 5 star review. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a 5 star review as a business? It just takes one person to bring it down. They wouldn’t be allowed to respond or it would create a HIPAA violation. P.S. The mole was not cancerous and I wouldn’t do anything different if I had to do it over again.
I’m going to be 46 years old this year, I know what to do. Maybe I am doing it. Maybe I’m not but I sure as heck don’t need someone inserting their unsolicited advice into my life.
Let me ask you for advice so I am all ears. I am also here if you need me. We aren’t on this journey of life alone. Not to worry. I want to know what you think. Just let me ask ❤