When your biological mother is terrible and the day on the calendar is Mother’s Day.

My biological mother is a see you next Tuesday

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Since Mother’s Day is the day to celebrate moms, I like to turn my focus towards Mother Earth. Mother Gaia.

Mother Gaia is always around and she treats everyone equally. She is a loving energy that supports and nourishes life. (She is worthy of Our Praise everyday!)

So if you don’t know who your mom is or if you don’t like the one you have, please know that there are many many many people in the world that can relate.

The parent-child relationship is one of the most tumultuous relationships that exists.

I’ve been lucky enough to have been mothered by other people’s Mother’s/ women along the way. It is because of them I know what it’s like to be supported, treated with respect and to feel loved. As I grow older, I understand better the important role they played in my life. They are the gift I take with me daily. I also bear the daily burden of my DNA.

I’m going to be 45 this year. Most of my friends are mothers now. It’s great to see them being fantastic moms. Some of them are great moms because they learned from their own Mom. Some are great moms because their awful past showed them what not to do and they have somehow managed to rise above it. Some are great moms because they’ve done a lot of reading, asked questions, took classes and did research. Every human on this earth came from a women. Strong moms are needed in the world.

No matter the route you took to become a good mom, I personally would like to say thank you for taking the time and doing the hard work. Clearly not everyone is successful at being a good mom. There are too many kids in the world that need nurturing support, the kind only a good Mother’s Love can give.

Over the years, I have been lucky enough to have been mothered by several women in the world. Shout out to Mrs. A, Mrs. Williams, Sarah, Mrs. Doland and Mrs. Thomas!!!!! I have infinite gratitude to them for allowing me experience what having a good mom feels like.

I volunteer at the Children’s Hospital in the NICU on Sundays. Those babies have a rough start to life and for a multitude of reasons not every mother can be around. I can’t wait to give them an extra squeeze today.

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If you are one of the people in the world today that isn’t enjoying it… I would like to remind you (remember to focus on Mother Earth ) AND start being your own mom. Parent yourself the way that you wish you were treated, that’s what I have learned to do ❤💚💜💙💛 Feels good.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Dirty Jokes – 10 easy ones to remember

I find jokes to be a good way to switch gears in conversation. They come in real handy when there is an awkward moment and no one knows where to redirect ( perfect time for a joke). They are also just fun to tell. Sometimes you even get a good one in return!

I find the short and sweet ones easier to remember. I also love a dirty joke. Here are my top go to jokes when the situation requires. I hope you are able to remember them and put them to good use. At the very least, I hope you enjoy them. Disclaimer ** I did not create these jokes, someone has told them to me and I wish I could give credit where credit is due**

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Joke: What’s good on pie but not on pussy?
Punchline: Crust

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Joke: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
Punchline– you just push them aside and keep on eating

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Joke: What do you get when you finger a gypsy on the rag?
Punchline– your palm red

Joke: How does a hillbilly know when his sister is on the rag?
Punchline– because his daddy’s dick taste funny

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Joke: Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party?
Punchline– to find a tight seal

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Joke: What do Brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common?
Punchline Chances are if it was forced on you when you were younger, you’re not gonna like it later.

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Joke: Hold up your first two fingers in the air like the photo and say – Why should girls use THESE two fingers to masturbate
Punchline– (say with a sly fox tone ) because they are mine

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Joke: What’s the best part about having sex with twenty five year olds?
Punchline– There are twenty of them.

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Joke: Why can’t barbie get pregnant ?
Punchline– because ken cums in a different box

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Joke- What’s the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple?
Punchline- Pimples don’t come on a boy’s face until they’re 13

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I’ve never been skinny dipping and before I die, I would like to.

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There are a few things I would like to do before I die and going skinny dipping with other people is one of them.  It doesn’t have to be a lot of people and it doesn’t even have to be in an epic place (although that would be preferred).

You know – somewhere magical, like the Dead Sea or the Maldives/ If it’s not going to be epic than at least let it be warm!

I came close once to accomplishing this goal when I was twenty one.  I was in Enid Oklahoma. 300px-USA_Oklahoma_location_map.svg I traveled there with one of my Air Force buddies who had graduated from the Academy and was assigned to go to pilot training at Vance AFB. I thought it would be fun to road trip with him, stay for the weekend to hang out, see some mutual friends, and then fly back home to Colorado Springs. I might have changed my mind had I known the heater in his car was broken, stuck on hot, and would be for the entire drive up there.  The only way to survive was to not wear many clothes and have those windows rolled down.  When I look back now, it is a fond memory. It makes me laugh and fills my heart with love. At the time though, it wasn’t so much fun. Quite painful actually.

I knew it was going to be an interesting weekend.  How could it not be since I  would have to see my ex boyfriend. The one that broke up with me after 2 years of dating since he wanted to be a pilot and moved to another state to go to pilot school. He also graduated from the Academy and was at Vance AFB.  He is the reason I know all these Air Force men.  I was not looking forward to seeing him however I was looking forward to seeing  an old roommate of mine. She was in town visiting her Air Force boyfriend.  They decided to do the long distance thing, which is rare.  When men get ready to graduate from the Academy, they are given a lecture which includes some advice about their significant others.  They are told they their lives are about to change in a big way.  Their new lives will be filled with a lot of moving and the only way to have their girlfriends come along is to marry them.  They tell them to either marry or break up.  UnknownThe grass isn’t always greener. Even though my old roommate’s boyfriend decided to try long distance thing, he then preceded to cheat on her while he was away.  I happened to find out this information and I am a girls girl so I told her.  She was able to find some evidence on her own that confirmed what she heard. This information is devastating! Which she was for a little while and then married him anyway. I think it is because she said she would only have sex when married and she gave him her virginity. P.S I went to that wedding, it wasn’t fun for me ( a whole other story ) and now that I am thinking about all this….. I wonder if they are still currently married??

Back to the almost skinny dipping:

I went out that first night we arrived and got terribly drunk. Running into the ex boyfriend didn’t help the drinking cause. I am not a big drinker nor do I handle alcohol well. I am a much better stoner and there was no pot to be found around all these military kids and on base. So drinking it was!!

There were lots of cute boys around and I found one of them interesting enough to hang out with for a while. At the end of the night, he invited me to go back to his place with some of his friends.  His friends also brought along girls.  There we were six of us total. Three guys and three girls. They were all strangers to me.  I don’t know how it got suggested we take a dip in the pool…

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Of course none of us girls had swimsuits with us. (The pivotal moment)  The moment that sparked the skinny dipping idea.  The moment I learned how prude I was.  The moment I learned that for a liberal minded girl, I am conservative in the sex department. The moment I realized how unfun I was going to look/ be.

I watched everyone else strip down. They seemed to be enjoying the spontaneous moment.  They weren’t insecure enough to be worried about their bodies. They just seemed to be having fun.  I wanted to have fun.  Boy was I torn. I ended up stripping down to my bra and panties.  Comments were made about how a bra and panties is a lot like a swim suit and therefore I wasn’t being very risqué. I wasn’t and that would just have to be okay.

Everyone was having so much fun that it caught the attention of the Military Police.

Swimming didn’t last long and soon we found ourselves with flashlights shinning on us and commands being shouted at us to get out of the pool.  They lined us up and wanted to see ID. I didn’t have ID with me. That didn’t settle well with the police.  You should have heard the way they asked me questions. What was I doing there? Who did I know? Why would I come out with strange boys as a young girl? What was I thinking?  Did I know how much trouble I could be in..

Thank goodness the guy I came with piped up to claim me. In hindsight , it probably cost him more punishment.

Regardless, the moment was over and it was time to take my soaking wet self back to my buddy’s house. As I crawled into bed, I mumbled a few words to explain the wet clothes and told him I would tell him more in the morning.

This has been the only time I have come close to skinny dipping.  Did I miss out?  Why is so hard to be in your body in a vulnerable way with others when they seem to be at more ease with the moment? I know that people do the best that they can in any given moment. I also know it is important to always be comfortable.

I have been working on being comfortable in my naked body for years now. Not only am I comfortable being naked now at forty four than ever, I am more comfortable doing it in front of others. I know that from this moment on, if the opportunity presents itself , that I will be able to meet the moment. I also know that if the opportunity doesn’t present itself that I will need to create it, especially before I die ❤

 

 

 

 

Life is more fun with friends and if they don’t show up….

969205_10151468021046033_616595444_nYou go out and do things alone. Yes, all by yourself (with other people) (that you don’t know) so it’s like you are by yourself anyways.

Is it awkward at first? Yes

Does it make you interact with the world in a way that you wouldn’t if you had a friend with you? Yes

Do you get used to it? Yes

Will it eventually be something you look forward to? Yes

This alone thing is liberating!

I started small by :

  • going to the movies
  • shopping
  • Yoga, Pilates, Boot Camp, Boxing, you name the workout class
  • Then I worked my up to eating a meal in a restaurant alone instead of ordering it to go and eating at home.
  • After that came having a cocktail at a bar.
  • I have managed to go see live music by myself.

Why should I have to miss out on all the adventures I want to have because I can’t find anyone to come along?

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Recently I went white water rafting alone. It was such a fantastic Saturday that I feel inspired to plan more adventures to do by myself. Next will be the Downwind in Hood River on a SUP board.

 

Doing things alone this year is easier than it has ever been before.  Many events and meditations have brought me to my current understanding and comfort level for solo adventures.  In 2013 I had a major realization while I was in Maui, Hawaii.  I went to visit a new friend that was going there for the season to work on a boat.  The boat would give whale watching/snorkeling tours.  I would get to be on the island for 10 days. I had never been to Hawaii before and I was very excited!!

What I did not realize about this vacation was that she was in the beginning passionate throes of a relationship and I would be the third wheel. I am no stranger to being odd man out however I was not very practiced in the art of doing things alone and I was looking forward to some quality time with a girlfriend.  She had to work a lot during my time there. When she wasn’t working, she was hanging out with her boyfriend and me.  I did not like her boyfriend which added to the disappointment.  My first day there, I did get to go on the boat she was working on for a whale watching tour. I saw so many whales. Everytime someone had a sighting they would yell it out so we all could catch a glimpse.  Breach- 3 o’clock Jumping_Humpback_whale

Before the boat trip started, I should have followed my friends lead with the sunscreen. I figured I lived in Texas for fifteen years and I don’t normally burn so I didn’t need to slather it on. Hindsight revealed living in Oregon for 2 years was enough time for my skin to turn pasty white effectively making it sensitive to the Hawaii sun.  I did not apply enough sunscreen and got the worst sunburn EVER.  I was miserable for a week easy.  Being so burned made sleeping difficult. I had to take Oatmeal baths several nights in a row and by the time it went away there was only three days of vacation left. I was in paradise and I did not want to spend anymore time in the sun.

Maui is a small island and I did the typical touristy things.  Whale watching, snorkeling, Lunch in Lahaina where the Banyan Tree is,  Polipoli Spring State Recreation Area for disc golf, watching the fire dancers on Little Beach, the Road to Hana where we camped at the end to visit the Seven Sacred Pools.

My life changing realization happened the night we went camping, when we were at the end of the Road to Hana.  We decided to stay so we could explore the Seven Sacred Pools in the morning. I am an early riser, waking up between 4:30a.m. to 6:30a.m. Pacific Standard Time.  Since there was a two hour time difference between Oregon and Hawaii at the time, I was up way too early.  Wide awake at 3:30 in the morning.  My friends were on Hawaii time and liked to sleep late. I would be up a full seven hours before they would rise.  What was I going to do with myself? I layed there for a bout an hour before I got up and went to explore. I knew I couldn’t go too far on the off chance my friends woke up early.  My exploration led me to discover a beautiful waterfall.  I spent some time here taking a bunch of selfies.  At some point, a small group of people came into the area.  They asked if I was alone.  That is when it occurred to me! Even though technically I was with other people, in reality I was alone. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely.  I was just hyper aware of my aloneness.IMG_20130131_094657.jpg

Aren’t we always alone I replied? ( Lightbulb moment) I mean we are born alone, we die alone and the time in between we walk the path of our lives alone.  Here I was on this beautiful island for vacation, I had come to meet a friend and spend time with her but she was busy working and being with her boyfriend.  Technically I was with people. In reality I was alone.  I was on my own, even when they were around.

I could tell you many stories where I have found myself in a similar position.  It wasn’t always easy to be there.  Now I don’t mind.  I frequently choose it.  I also look forward to having it all my way since there isn’t anyone else to take into consideration.  Who doesn’t love that?

One of my favorite sayings is an African saying.

If You Want To Go Fast, Go Alone. If You Want To Go Far, Go Together

I would like nothing more than to go far in life so until friends show up and stick around and until friends commit to joining me, you can find me on some adventure by myself having a great time ❤

 

 

Lifelong friendships can form in the most unexpected ways.

I have moved around a lot in my lifetime which makes it hard to keep friends. The kind of friends that add value to your life, that you can turn to when you need support or a favor.  You know, not the fake kind, not the acquaintance kind, or the kind that turns out to not really be a friend.  People don’t seem to take the time to keep up with long distance friendships. There are the kind of friends that you don’t see for a while and then you pick right back up where you left off when you connect with them.  This kind of relationship takes time to form.  As the years go by, I feel less inclined to put so much work into the people who don’t put work towards sustaining our friendship.  I used to not mind doing the heavy lifting, since I seemed to be better at than most (thanks to all that moving).  Now, I want the same effort in my direction that I put towards others.  I know it’s possible because I am doing it.

I have known my friend Kim for 23 years now.  We will know each other until one of us dies. We met in Colorado Springs, Colorado in the 1994/1995 when I was a mere 20 year old girl.  Colorado Springs had 3 military stations at that time;  Fort Carson Army Base, Peterson Air Force Base and the Air Force Academy.

UnknownMost girls growing up in Colorado Springs have an Air Force boyfriend which really bothered the civilian guys in town.  I can imagine how frustrating it must have been to be a regular guy having to compete with the appeal of pilots and the military uniform.

My Air Force Academy boyfriend’s name was John.   John had best friends that were fraternal twins – Jim and Steve.  Steve’s high school sweetheart, Tracey,  moved to Colorado Springs when Steve got accepted into the Academy.  Tracey lived in an apartment with a girl named Stacy.  I became friends with them both.

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One year Tracey moved away.  Turns out she had some kind of bone cancer, went home and passed away within 5 years.

Stacy got a new roommate named Kim.  It seems that every time I called to talk to Stacy, I got Kim.  Kim and I chatted a lot.  One day, we were chatting and I mentioned I was going to the gym.  Kim said she works out and would also come to the gym so I invited her to go with me. We were to meet at my apartment and go from there.

There was a knock at the door and when I opened it up, to my surprise, I didn’t recognize the person standing there. Hi, Who are you?  “I’m Kim” she says.  Wait! What? We have never met?  Nope, she says.  Well alrighty then, let’s go workout!! We have been friends ever since.  Twenty three years and counting…

Kim and I went to Europe together for 16 days despite the fact that we had not seen each other in over a decade.  We were both 40, we both were single, we both had never traveled to Europe.  We had a blast in Amsterdam, Paris, Rome and the Amalfi Coast. It is hard to decide where to go next since we plan to see some more countries together in the future!

20180630_175430988211987.jpgI finally went to visit her home in Michigan this year, where she has been living for the last 19 years.  I have talked about coming to visit so many times over the years.  It almost happened (twice) when she was going to marry her son’s father. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid however he ended up marrying someone else and having another child.  Kim lives down the street. They spend Christmas together as one big family.  I like it when people are able to genuinely get along.  Kids benefit from that type of positivity.  Can’t fake it though.

20180630_141924402575061.jpgThe reason for this years visit was because her son was graduating High School. They were having a big party to celebrate – all the friends and family were invited.  It was so great to meet her son, meet her friends from second grade, and meet her mom and dad!  It made my heart so full. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

 

 

Thanks Kim, for being the kind of person you are- Fun loving, generous, sweet, caring, and one hardworking Momma.  I am proud to call you my friend.

 

 

 

 

 

My favorite Vegan Cookbook. You will hardly notice the vegan part :)

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I have not been a big meat eater for most of my life. I dabbled with being a vegetarian one other time and I made it five years before my body asked for a turkey leg. I was at Pecan Street Festival in Austin, Texas, where I was living at the time. There were all these people walking around with them and I couldn’t help myself. Yes, I got really sick after a few bites.

Currently, I am working towards being a vegan. I gave up red meat about 5 years ago. Chicken about 3 years ago. Bacon was the last thing I needed to give up and that happened the beginning of 2017 . I still eat wild caught fish maybe once or twice a month. I gave up dairy about 4 years ago (although I cheat when I’m hungry and it’s too challenging to find dairy free food). I try to make it goat’s milk at least. I know I know. Animal milk is for animal babies. Doctor’s shocking recommendation about drinking Milk!

Eggs seem to be the most challenging to give up. I don’t mind using a flax seed egg substitute or a chia seed egg when baking. There is just no good substitute for eggs when it comes to making French Toast or Breakfast Tacos.

Being Vegan doesn’t mean you can’t eat the most delicious food. I have discovered that the way to maintaining a successful vegan diet it to replace all the things you are giving up with new options. Lots of new tasty options. You will not feel like you are missing out.

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and your heart and soul can feel happy for all the ethical reasons too!

I did not receive any money for this recommendation. I bought the cookbook since I had been following them on Facebook. I had already made several of their dishes and really really enjoyed them. I was stoked to see this cookbook come out! I have already made several dishes and served them to non vegan friends. I have received nothing but compliments. Even the first time you create one of these recipes -it will turn out delicious!!

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You can get this fabulous cookbook for yourself on Amazon for about $20. Click here to go directly there… Bosh Cookbook

I tell everyone I know about this and even people I don’t. If you are already vegan and looking for new dishes to make, this cookbook is for you. If you are already a vegetarian, this cookbook is for you . If you are just starting to explore being vegan, this cookbook is for you. If you like to eat delicious tasty food, this cookbook is for you.

It took them three years to put it together. Get it while it’s hot!

Portland, OR is the biggest DIY town I ever met.

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and I am smarter for it.

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I was born in San Francisco and grew up between Colorado Springs, Colorado and the Bay Area. At 21, I decided to leave Colorado Springs and move to Austin, Texas, where I will spend the next 15 years of my life (minus a 3 month stint dealing Blackjack in Vegas). I moved to Portland, Oregon from the ATX.  I have been living in Portland for eight years now and counting. I will move again.

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I don’t remember much about the way things worked in the Bay Area or Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs, at that time, was small, conservative, and surround by the military.  People were probably friendly enough in both places.

 

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Living in Austin taught me about “Southern Hospitality”.  There is something to be said for living with constant sunshine and hanging out outside all the time – it makes for friendly outgoing people.  People who are ready to take the time to answer your questions, call someone if they don’t know or let you follow them because they happen to be going in the same direction. I loved it.  Help with a smile.

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Living in Portland has taught me to be even more resourceful. It is not as sunny around here and it makes me wonder if it contributes to the mentality.  Not many people outside and not many people willing to help you do what you could do for yourself. I hope you have access to the Internet.  You need directions some place? … look up the address, and put it in your navigation.  Don’t have that… Use a compass and a map. There is a gear store nearby where you can purchase those items if you don’t have them either. Figure it out. Solve your problems. No one will be phoning a friend or escorting you around here. It forced me to be even more resourceful.  I have an abundance of gratitude for that.  It is a nice skill to have.  Waiting on other people sucks.

Is it easier for people to just tell you every detail of how things work ( insert anything you have questions about)? yes.  What about the long game though? Teach a man to fish…..

I like to say that the lessons hardest learned are the ones not easily forgotten. People don’t learn from other peoples mistakes.  You have to get your hands dirty, get involved with life and learn from your own mistakes. Mistakes are great teachers. Knowledge = Power.

After all, Life is either the greatest adventure or it’s not.  You choose!