Why? Why? Why? is it so challenging……
It’s the age old dilemma.
Can straight cis men and straight cis women just be friends?
I say yes, yes they can.
As soon as men think past their dicks.
I have met some men recently that I like. I like who they are. They are Reliable, Generous, Hard Working, Thoughtful men.
I am not attracted to them sexually. I just enjoy their company and it shines through my eyes.
Men tend to mistake nice for interested. Letting them know you aren’t interested means you run the risk of loosing potential friendship.
Once they realize that I’m not interested, I think they feel rejected and have a hard time continuing to hang out.
Age doesn’t seem to matter for this dynamic. I am going to be 45 this year and I have been experiencing this situation since I was 12.
I’m tired of it. When will it end?
I just want to be able to be myself. The nice, supportive, funny, charming, good listening, positive, adventurous side of myself. I want to be able to let someone of the opposite sex see the entire me and enjoy the parts they like without giving me a sexual vibe or entertaining sexual thoughts. Is it really that hard to think with the head on your shoulders and only that head?
It must be considering how often men cheat, try non monogamous relationships and talk about spreading their seed. Variety is the spice of life. I am willing to seriously attempt to understand the science behind the bio physical responses that your dick has. Can I say dick this many times?! I guess so, it is my blog (ha😜)
I have also heard the only way men and women end up as friends is because one of them isn’t returning the others attraction. That one person ends up settling for the friendship. Sometimes the flame is still there and they are waiting it out, sometimes the flame dies and friendship can remain.
I have a dear male friend that I have known since college. I have dated his friends and he has dated mine. We have a great time together. He has added so much value to my solitary life that I can’t say enough good things about him. Of all the things I have learned from him, the feeling of being included and how to be hospitable stand out the most.
One time we were out drinking in Austin TX and I decided to share with him the theory I heard about how men and women become “just friends”.
After I explained, we both said, so you were the one who was into me?
Then we laughed and laughed and went back to salsa dancing.
This is how I know it’s possible. Not one time did I ever think about wanting to be with him. I have nothing but nice things to say about him too. He is married now with a son, caring for his aging parents, working to get his company off the ground and just all around being a good human.
I hope we stay in touch and remain good friends until one of us is no longer on this earth.
I also hope that I will be able to make more male friends. I like men. I like gay men, trans men, cis men, Drag Kings, straight men- ALL the men.
I could also use more friends. Julie party of one is fun. Life is more fun with friends!